My working theory about this movie is that it’s very thinly disguised lady porn. It’s not really important what happens, because the plot of this movie serves only two ends: to allow Meryl Streep to mug and chew scenery in a way that’s light years beneath her, and to create moments where people gaze at Jane with either desperate longing or desperate jealousy. Those looks are the money shot of this film.

Here’s the setup:

Meryl Streep plays Jane, a bakery owner with three very photogenic children. Her home is full of freshly cut flowers. There are baskets of unblemished fruit everywhere. She is loved and admired by everyone, has kept her figure and dresses like a movie star.

The single fly in our heroine’s ointment is that one man no longer wants her – her dashing rascal ex-husband left her more than a decade ago and is now married to a much younger, prettier woman. This is unpleasant, but only for a moment. The moment they’re alone together he confesses that he longs for her, and they begin a passionate affair. The affair is punctuated by occasional glimmers of perfunctory guilt, but these are fleeting. In fact, when Jane goes tells her shrink about the affair, he absolves her completely. She pursues the affair, it runs its course, and eventually she gets the sort of boring and unearned happy ending that romcoms are made of.

If you enjoy the “Mamma Mia” Meryl Streep, line up and see it right away. The audience at the free screening where I saw this clapped at the end, but it was weighted toward people who might really enjoy seeing second wives get their comeuppance. I found it sort of icky and overly antiseptic, but I am definitely not the target audience for this kind of thing, and I think Meryl Streep is much better when she’s acting than when she’s trying to act adorable.