There’s very little point in reviewing an Adam Sandler movie. You already know, probably have known for more than a decade, whether or not you find him compelling. You already know if you are the kind of person who wants to see his work. So, I’m not going to bother telling you whether or not it’s worth seeing “Just Go With It.” Instead, I’m going to highlight the part of the movie that left me scratching my head for a full 24 hours.

What Adam Sandler has done here borders on amazing. On the one hand, “Just Go With It” is a standard issue, sappy/vulgar half-assed romantic comedy. On the other, it’s a troubling movie with moral implications that I still find dizzying. The motivations for every action defy reason. Every single major character in this movie is either evil or profoundly stupid. Sandler’s Danny manages to be both at once.

The setup is a little convoluted, but I’ll try to boil it down.

Adam’s character has a huge nose, which I believe he’s given so that we will be sympathetic to him. Indeed, everyone in his family has huge noses. Not just large, but grotesque; like a Mr. Potatohead is making love to their faces.

On the eve of his marriage to a beautiful woman with a pert and agreeable nose, he learns that his betrothed has been serially and enthusiastically untrue, and further that her profession of love for him is false. She admits to her bridesmaids that she is settling for Danny because he will make a good living and will be obedient. The marriage is a bust.

Adam’s character Danny is heartbroken. Drowning his sorrows in a bar, he notices that women who hear his tale of woe and see his wedding band want to have no-strings-attached pity sex with him. He switches specialties to plastic surgery, gets his own nose fixed and spends what must be the next 15 years relying exclusively on his gold wedding band and the pity of beautiful women for the satisfaction of his carnal desires. He forms no lasting attachments, and he exclusively sleeps with women much younger than himself.

The meat of the movie starts here. We have a rich, successful, reasonably fit and attractive plastic surgeon in Los Angeles – and he insists on tricking coeds into bed with sad tales of his imaginary wife. He does not need to find women this way, one assumes. Surely he has nearly everything a man would need to attract women without the aid of these dastardly crutches – but he apparently doesn’t want to. He is, in essence, a thief. He wants sex, but not at the price of human contact.

One night, Danny meets a swimsuit model. Well, in the real world Brooklyn Decker is a swimsuit model. In this ridiculous movie she’s a grade school teacher, the official movie code for “nice lady.” She likes him, and for once he has forgotten his ring. He doesn’t even lie to her, because his relationship status never comes up. After some outdoor sexing, she finds his ring and snaps into one of those “Three’s Company” trances – she’s sure he’s married, and that simply will not do.

No home wrecker, she.

Our hero, instead of explaining himself or coming up with a workable lie, tells her that he’s closing a divorce. Our bikini hanger insists on meeting the wife, so she can be certain she has the wife’s blessing.

At this point, even my iron suspension of disbelief has begun to fatigue and bend. Even if I grant that the request to meet the wife is plausible, and I do not, the fact that he agrees to it is ludicrous. He has no plan, no wife to trot out, and he has yet again chosen craven treachery where the truth would have served better.

The important fact to understand here, I believe, is that our hero is an awful person.

We are asked to root and identify with him, but from this point on he piles lie upon condescending lie, and involves more and more people in his romantic Jenga match. Just like the hapless Jack Tripper, he is constitutionally incapable of dealing directly with even the slightest conflict. He cannot and will not bear even a moment’s reflection or moral effort.

A lot of wacky and meaningless stuff follows, and it’s all stupid, and I found myself unable to go with it. He bribes his assistant and her precocious children to participate in hoodwinking the girl of his dreams and never once contemplates the truly unsavory results of his suit’s success, let alone those of its failure.

For these crimes, and the additional crime of not being all that funny, the story does not punish him. Instead, it rewards him with the love of his assistant and her children, even though they have observed his treachery at close range, the assistant for years. The assistant tells a friend that she loves Danny because he “secretly has this huge heart.” We’re expected to take her word for it, despite the fact that he hasn’t done one unselfish thing on screen. Despite the fact that he has spent the past week manipulating both her and her children. Despite the fact that she knows he lies to everyone he sleeps with.

Sandler has made a career out of playing manchildren who, due to idiocy or aggression, cannot behave in the manner required by the social contract. There is something about Sandler that makes these miscreants palatable and even likable, but this is where he lost me.

So, yeah, see it if you have to, I guess. But be warned that in addition to being a little thin in the funny department it’s also badly paced and you’re expected to believe that Jen Aniston is a dowdy frump.

She wears glasses, don’t you know.

On the plus side, watching Nicole Kidman try to move her face in an actorly fashion is a hoot. Kidman has literally become a wax figure of herself.

Botox is a hell of a drug.