So once again, I find myself trolling through the new arrivals from Netflix on demand. This might be a strategy I need to rethink.

Now, this is not just any B-movie rip-off of a popular title. This is from Asylum Films, the home of such B-movie ripoffs as “The Transmorphers” and “The Terminators.” And it’s directed by C. Thomas Howell. And it briefly includes (don’t let that top billing fool you like it did me) Judd Nelson. I don’t know why I suddenly needed to know how Soul Man and Josh Bender were going to pull this off, but I did. The short answer is, they do not pull it off. None of it.

This movie is not good. In Howell’s defense, Keanu’s remake wasn’t good either, and Howell did this for less than Keanu’s hair budget. In these tough economic times, there is probably something to be said for failing sensibly.

It’s a straight-to-video B-movie with no ambition higher than fooling tipsy Keanu fans at Blockbuster, so criticism is probably pointless. Just know that if you insist on seeing this you will get porno-caliber line readings, iMovie-quality special effects and corporate training film-style cinematography. All of this could be ignored, of course, if it was inventive, or funny, or even pleasingly camp. “The Day the Earth Stopped” is none of those things. This movie is witless, joyless, and pointless, and it blows up on the launchpad. Do not see it.