I never walk out on a movie. It’s not healthy, as some of the movies I watch suck hard enough to make me lose IQ points. The problem is that I always think things will turn around.

I streamed this abomination from Netflix on my Xbox. I picked it because I’m trying to watch scary movies every day until Halloween, and the cast included some people whose work I’ve enjoyed. I liked Jeremy Sisto in Six Feet Under and Portia de Rossi in Arrested Development, so how bad could it be? Very, very bad, it turns out.

The plot is vestigial – protagonists on their way to a wedding, forced to stop at a terrible B&B in a town that includes both horrible flesh eaters and worse honky-tonk musical narration. A lot of cheap-looking gory things happen. I can’t tell you how it resolves, because I couldn’t care enough to stick it out. I’m willing to bet it was precious, poorly executed and still somehow boring, since that’s the way things were going.

Do not see this movie. I took the bullet for everyone. Do not make my sacrifice a vain one.